WordFUL Wednesday, One Day Early: Vegas Edition

I decided to turn my Vegas post into a WordFUL Wednesday post, but I couldn't wait until tomorrow to post it.  Since I didn't post up my Best of Times, Worst of Times yesterday, this will just have to work!  I'm warning you now, this post will be long and mildly entertaining, so if you can hang on until the end, you just might win a prize...or not because I'm not awesome enough to host giveaways here!

I'm going to break this down by day, to hopefully make it easier to write!

Friday:
Our plane was leaving at 7:00PM.  I was at the office until noon and I was freaking the eff out because I hadn't even packed my suitcase.  I left the office and ran a few errands.  When I got home, I threw everything into my not-so-carry-on luggage and waited for My Husband to get home.  We met the BFF's at their house and took one car to the airport.  We checked in and found a place to eat before our plane took off.  BFF's uncle works for Southwest Airlines, so he found us before our flight and gave us 15 drink tickets for our 3 hour, non-stop journey.  We boarded the plane and sat in the very back.  I'm sure the entire flight was thrilled.  Once the flight attendants started taking drink orders, it was all down hill for everyone else on the plane.  We got wasted.  Double bloody mary's and double rum and cokes were our poison of choice on that flight.  We were loud and completely inappropriate for the last hour and a half of the flight.  It was amazing!

Once we touched down in Vegas, we rounded up our luggage and hailed a shuttle bus to take us to our swanky shitty hotel.  We booked our trip through Southwest Airlines and the Riviera was so cheap, so we went with it.  We arrived at Geriatricville and checked in.  The first thing we asked for was an upgrade on our rooms to the "newly remodeled" section.  By this time, it's like 9PM, Vegas time.  We went up to the 23rd floor and dropped our stuff off in our awesome rooms.  We went downstairs to find some lucky slot machines, but all we found were old people driving scooters, old women wearing matching Vegas muumuus and horrific man wigs.  We were all coming off of our drunk, so we needed to find food.  Fast!  We walked down the strip about 2 blocks and found a Denny's.  We sat down and waited...and waited...and waited.  20 minutes after memorizing the entire menu and no drink order, we walked out.  Off we walked about another block.  We found a Greek place that was open 24 hours.  BFF and I ordered Greek salads and the guys ate some Gyros.  My salad was barftastic, but I wasn't complaining.  After our snack, we went back to the hotel to catch some ZZZzzz's. 

Saturday:
Husband's Birthday...
We woke up pretty early.  The first thing we did was eat breakfast at the restaurant in our hotel.  We sat down and looked around.  We were the only people that didn't have gray hair, a cane, a walker or a scooter.  I felt like we were in the cafeteria of a local nursing home.  Fabulous, right?  After our very expensive, mediocre breakfast we hit a few slots, which really means I started drinking Vodka at 10AM.  The smell of Ben-Gay and old lady perfume got the best of us, so we hailed a cab to Freemont Street!  Our cabby was a Las Vegas native, which you really just don't find out there.  We asked him where we could find the best steak in LV.  He was lame and told us Ruth's Chris. 

By about 1030AM we were dropped off on Freemont Street.  For those who don't know, Freemont Street is in downtown Las Vegas.  It's the original "strip".  It's covered by a huge canopy that houses trillions of lights.  At night they do this light show thing and it's awesome.  Since it was still morning, we wandered aimlessly in and out of casinos.  My husband would win and we would be ahead and then I would dump it into the slot and lose it in 2 seconds.  Awesome!  After a while, we decided that we needed to find something to eat.  The last time I was in Vegas (in December) we "forgot" to eat and it was just not a good situation for anyone involved.  Steady drinking + no food = OMG, disaster.  SO, we start walking.  My Husband tells us about this place called the Triple George Grill.  He was in Vegas in September and said the food was awesome.  We drunk-walked down there, only to find that they don't open until 4.  It was noon.  Instead of walking all the way (1.5 blocks) back to Freemont Street to find food, we decided that the bar next door to the Triple George would be awesome.  I had no idea that I would fall in love with this dump the second we walked through the door.  Hogs & Heifers, people.  The Coyote Ugly bar idea was ripped off from the owner of this Saloon and you can tell the second you walk in the door.  We walked in and we were the first people in there.  We were treated like family.  We chit chatted with all of the staff and I was taking jager bombs with all of the guys who work there!  It was such an amazing place!  Needless to say, we spent A LOT of money on t-shirts and booze in that place, but it was well worth it!  After we were good and lubricated, BFF decided that she wanted some "street vendor pizza".  That was probably the best idea in the entire world.  We left Hogs & Heifers and went back to Freemont Street.  We found a pizza stand and got our grub on.  By the time we actually ate it was probably like, 4PM, maybe?  Once we ate we took a cab back to our hotel to get changed for the night.  BFF and I dressed up, but the guys didn't.  They could have gone as paparazzi because we had them taking pictures ever 2.1 seconds.

After we changed, we headed back down to Freemont Street.  We gambled a little LOT more and then walked back to the Triple George Grill for dinner.  The food was out of this world.  We walked out of the Triple George and went next door again...back to Hogs & Heifers to re-visit all of our new friends.  They were all dressed up too and it was awesome!  Michelle was dressed up as Desperately Seeking Susan, which she pulled off fantastically.  I knew that she was the owner, and I knew her name was Michelle, but I walked up to her and said "SUSAN, I want a picture with you"!  She looked at me, sort of shocked because I was sort of straight forward and I completely recognized her from the movie...She told me that everyone was walking by saying "OMG, Look at Madonna", but she was NOT Madonna.  She was Madonna as Susan!  She took some pictures with BFF and I.  Once we made it into the bar, we found some dudes dressed up as Superman and Batman, which was totally awesome because I was Wonder Woman!  We posed for a picture and later realized that our back drop was the American flag.  It was awesome!  While inside Hogs & Heifers we also found the Octo-mom which was hysterical.  She was sitting on a bench, wearing a t-shirt with eight babies attached to it.  She looked at me and said "WHAT?  I had 8 fucking kids...I'm TIRED"!  Fun!

After giving out hugs to everyone at Hogs & Heifers, we decided to go back to the hotel and get out of our costumes.  While they were totally awesome, and the best ever, the draft going up our dresses was not so bueno.  Especially when we're two girls who don't normally dress like Slutty McSluttypants!  After we were dressed we agreed to go to the Stratosphere to ride the roller coasters.  I refused to go into the haunted house at Circus Circus, but you can bet your sweet ass that I would ride some coasters, even if they were over 1000 feet above the Strip!  We got to the Stratosphere by about 11 or so.  We paid $35 each to go up to the top and ride all three of the coasters as much as we wanted until 2AM.  When we got to the top we were all pretty pumped...and then we walked outside...at the top...and we were still pumped.  Then, we got in line for the X-Scream, which had me nearly shitting my pants, just waiting for our turn.  This ride is out of control, to the nth degree.  Imagine sitting in a little rocket shapped thing.  The rocket then teeter totters and spits you out ABOVE the Strip, like, there is nothing below your feet except for the metal you're sitting in.  It's almost 900 feet down to your death.  I'm a fan of roller coasters (except for that one that I blacked out on and had to ride again to really experience it), but this was taking things to a whole different level.  Like, a level where you better be right with God, or someone or you're not going to make it out alive.  The guys decided that if they were going to board this thing, it was going to be in the front two seats, because if you're gonna go, you better go big, right?  BFF and I sat right behind them.  The ride started.  My heart stopped.  I opened my eyes twice during the whole ride.  I was laughing hysterically, but I think I was only laughing because I didn't want do die crying.  The guy controlling the ride asked us if we wanted to ride it again.  Everyone said yes, but I screamed "OH GOD NO, get me off of this motherfucker.  I think I'm going to shit my pants".  That's when My Husband gave the control guy big scary eyes and pointed his thumb back to me like "there's a cry baby scare d. cat on this bitch"... Control guy stopped the ride.  When the harness released, I tumbled out and squatted next to the rocket thing.  Tears just started pouring out of my eyes.  It was weird because I was scared, but I think the crying was because of my adrenaline.  Anyhow, one of the dudes that worked there almost had to come and pick me up off of the ground.  Once we survived that one, we moved on to the Big Shot.  This is the one that shoots you up the needle of the Stratosphere.  You hit 4 G's and experience Zero Gravity at least twice.  We collectively decided that this ride wouldn't be near as scary as the last one for a few reasons, but mainly, it's only shooting us up 100someoddfeet, but it's over the roof of the hotel, so the chances of you surviving a fall from 100someoddfeet to the roof is better than 900 feet OVER THE SIDE of the hotel.  This ride was awesome!  At it's highest point, we were over 1100 feet above the Strip.  The view was amazing.  I managed to keep my eyes open the entire time on this one.  I still laughed hysterically the whole time, but there were no tears.  The third coaster was left out of our visit because it's 5 minutes of spinning over the nothingness.  None of us could handle that much spinning with all of food and booze in our stomachs.  We had an amazing time up there and I'm proud to say that I rocked those rollercoasters like it was my job!  When we finished the rides, we did what any other normal human being would do...found a bar!  After we left the bar at the top of the Stratosphere we headed back down towards our hotel, but we wanted to gamble so we walked into Slots A Fun, which as cheesy as it sounds, was really a good time!  We got hungry (again), so before we left Slots A Fun, we had some sammiches made at the Subway inside the casino.  I'm not shitting you when I tell you that my Husband and I ordered a foot long and a 6" with ONE bag of chips and it was $21.50.  We finally fell asleep around 130AM.

Sunday:
I was up at 4AM.  Seriously.  What the deuce?  I woke up and laid in bed for an hour.  I decided that I wanted to go downstairs to check out the happenin's at Geriatricville.  I went downstairs...in my pajamas...with no bra.  I'm THAT awesome!  I figured it was the ass crack of dawn and there surely wasn't anyone down there that I just needed to impress...I hung out and watched some old bitties score big on penny slots.  About an hour later, around 6AM, I went back up to the room.  My Husband was still in DreamLand, so I took a shower and crawled back in bed for another hour.  Finally, around 730AM I started blowing my BFF's blackberry up with texts and phone calls, with no response.  at 8AM I busted out the big guns and used the phone in the room to ring their phone.  That did the trick.  I forced everyone to get up, since I was up...for hours...and get ready.  We had nothing huge on the agenda, so we bought bus tickets ($7 for 24 hours) and got on and off the bus about eleventy billion times.  The Deuce (that's what the bus is called) stops every block, so you can go in and out where ever you want.  We also bought our tickets to see LOVE at the Mirage.  We wandered in and out of every casino between Mandalay Bay and the Riviera.  We stopped for lunch at the Hard Rock and had some awesome drinks.  The Husband and I ordered an appetizer and it came out cold, so they sent another one out and THAT one was cold.  The manager came out and told us that she was picking up our entire tab...It was more than $100 for just the drinks!  SCORE!  After leaving the Hard Rock with our stomach's full-o-booze we found our way to the nearest bus stop.  We waited for about a minute and then My Husband (or was it BFF's Husband) said "Uh, let's find another bus stop because this one is permanently closed".  Sure enough, there was a sign taped to the bus stop that said that the stop was "Permanently Closed".  We walked another block, which in Vegas is about 6.4 miles and found a stop.  We boarded a bus that was already over crowded.  At every stop, 2 people would get off the bus and 11 would get on.  By the time we got to our actual stop we were ready to hurt people...not to mention the amount of germs up in that bitch.  At one point I announced "the next person to cough or sneeze is getting their ass kicked"...I was serious. 

Our Cirque Du Soleil show started at 930PM so we rested for a while and then headed out.  We decided that since we had a horrible experience on the bus, we would take a cab to the Mirage.  When we got there, we went into the VIP bar, REVOLUTION.  The bartenders were awesome and the bar was just a huge acid trip altogether.  This bar is specifically for people who are going to see the show, so it's everything The Beatles.  When you put your drink on your table, butterflies start flying around on the table.  Like, animated butterflies.  It was awesome.  After our drinks at REVOLUTION, we went to get seated in the theatre, but first we had to stop for more booze.  Travelling more than 15 yards without a drink is a no-no.  The Husbands bought drinks that were $20 each, but they had a a half a bottle of liquor in each of them.  They were pretty much insane!

The show started promptly at 930 and it was absolutely amazing.  I've seen Mystere before, but LOVE was out of this world.  I'm a fan of The Beatles, so this was extraordinary.  The music was great, but the actual show was just...WHOA!  During the beginning of the show, My Husband said "were The Beatles on some good drugs"?  "Ahhhhh, yeah"...I don't whether it's disturbing or awesome that I got the entire show.  The show was telling a story, like what The Beatles meant with all their music and I got it.  My Husband, notsomuch, but he also thought the entire show was out of this world!

After the show we went back to Geriatricville.  Everyone went up to bed, but I had $40 burning a hole in my pocket, so I stayed in the Geriatricville casino until about 1230AM.  Alone.  My Husband is convinced that I might have a gambling problem, but I don't see the problem.  The Dings and Bells just suck you in.  I lost that $40 lickity split and it was off to bed for me.

Monday:
I was the first one awake, again.  The time change from going from Texas to Nevada messed with me, but then we had daylight savings time on top of that.  My internal clock was pissed.  Yesterday wasn't too exciting.  We had to check out by noon and our flight wasn't leaving until 340.  We went to the Wynn for breakfast.  They have the most delicous buffet ever in the history of buffets.  After that we went back to our rooms and cat napped before check out.  The rest of the day was full of luggage hauling, flight jumping and screaming children on planes.  We finally got home around 1130, Texas time and headed straight for bed.  I slept hard last night, but McKenna was up at 545 this morning because her brain thought it was 645...I'm going to bed the second she does tonight.  Hopefully her brain will think it's 8 when it's really 7.

Now for some pictures.  My BFF has some on her camera that I'll post soon, but for now, you're stuck with mine.

The lion wanted a snack.  My BFF's Husband took a picture of me like this, only I have a HUGE wedgie...up close.  It's awesome.  When I post that picture my caption is going to be something like "I don't know what was more hungry...the gigantic bronze lion or my ass"...

BFF and I with the gigantic bronze lion that's in front of the Mirage.

I wanted to go to Madame Toussauds Wax Museum so bad, but nobody else wanted to, so I took a picture with the Rock, who wanted to go inside just as bad as I did.  He smelled what I was cooking.

This is the Husbands and Token standing around, drinking beer inside the merchandise portion of

Hogs & Heifers.  Token was awesome.  He did jager bombs with me!

Helga Frank and Wonder Woman on Freemont Street.  I love my German Beer Girl!

The Freemont Street Experience.  Aliens were trying to take over.

Back at Hogs & Heifers.  George (my favorite bouncer) and some guy dressed as Chong.  I'm bummed that this came out so dark, but BFF has a better one on her camera.

This was so awesome!  When we walked inside to H&H, there stood Superman and Batman!  We took this picture and THEN realized that the flag was behind us.

BFF and I with Michelle (H&H owner) and her friend.  Her friend was dressed like a woman from Dallas, Texas.  I told her that in Dallas "they" say "the higher the hair, the closer to God" and she laughed.

This was in the cab on the way to the Stratosphere.  The look on BFF Husband's face is awesome.  He looks so queer and content.  This was about 3 seconds after he asked our Ethiopian cab driver if he missed the food from his homeland.  I never said he was politically correct.  The cabby thought it was funny though!

This picture is crappy because I took it from inside and I couldn't keep my flash from going off.  This should still give you a pretty good idea of how high up we were.

This is X-Scream.  BFF and her husband rode it twice.  BFF is on the far left.  Can you see how the rocket car thingy is about to be dangling off the track?

After we survived the roller coasters, we hung outside for a few minutes and had some cute skinny couple take our picture overlooking the strip.  This picture also serves as proof that our Husbands WERE on vacation with us!

Outside of the Wynn.  BFF looks SO tall, but really, we're both a couple of shorties!

When we were picking up our tickets to see LOVE!  This was the walkway into the theatre.

Riding The Deuce.  My Husband is behind BFF's Husband.  I told the guy behind my Husband (on the right) that I would email him this picture.

This was as close as we got to Mike Tyson and/or his tiger.  We're so hardcore and tough.

But then she really hit me and it was all caught on camera.  Evander Holyfield was not impressed with my blocking skillz.

Before LOVE.  This was in front of the REVOLUTION bar. The VIP area is off to the left and not seen in this picture.  Behind us is where the non-VIP "common-folk" are allowed to drink.

Yeah, I'm that short.

We found Humpty Dumpty in the Palazzo.  BFF looks like she's trying to get a little fresh with Mr. Dumpty.

That's all for now.  Once I get my hands on BFF's pictures, I'll post them too!  I'm sorry that this post was jut one big run-on sentence...or that's how it felt, at least.  Also, there's probably 900 gramatical and spelling mistakes in this post, but I'm WAY too tired to go back and fix everything.  I need some sleep.

Come back soon for my Do's and Do Not's of Las Vegas, as well as a review on anything and everything we experienced while there!