The One With The Broken Headboard

This weekend was so busy and did not last long enough.  After I left work on Friday, I headed south to the Small Town where My Husband’s family lives.  It was Grandma L’s birthday and she wanted everyone to meet for dinner at Clear Springs Cafe.  YES, PLEASE!  Clear Springs has the best onion rings I’ve ever put in my mouth.  Seriously.  Even if you hate onions or onion rings, you will enjoy theirs.  The hardest part about dinner on Friday night was the waiting.  Since we were a group of 22 people.  Yes.  22 people, it’s not like we could just mosey on in and get a table.  We waited over an hour before Aunt K blew a gasket because a table of 33 was seated before us and our entire party was complete long before theirs was.  Clear Springs has a strict “we won’t seat you unless your complete party is here” rule.

After she gave the hostess the what-for, we were seated rather quickly.  We sat at two different tables and everyone just sort of mingled to visit, until the onion rings made it to the tables.  Then everyone shut the hell up and stuffed themselves!

Our plan for the weekend was to stay at my Fab FIL & NEMIL’s house, but then My Husband was all “babe, do you want to get a hotel *eyebrow wiggle*”?  I turned to my NEMIL (Omie) and asked if McKenna could stay the night without us.  My niece and nephew were already staying there so of course Omie was more than okay with it.  Then, Omie turned to my SIL and said “you know, if the boys want to come over too, they’re more than welcome.  I’ll have the little kids, but I would really like it if they would come”!  SIL’s boys are 15 and 12.  SIL told Omie that the boys would love to go over.

After she agreed to take all of her grandchildren home, she turned to my Fab FIL (Opa) and said (seriously.  I can’t make this shit up) “Opa, all of our grandkids are coming over to spend the night so all of our children can go have sex”.  I don’t think I’ve ever laughed so hard at something NEMIL has said.  I think it was mostly funny because it was true.  We didn’t have to tell her, she just already knew. 

After dinner My Husband and I went to get a room at the same hotel my BIL and SIL had a room at.  No vacancy.  We called one of the newer hotels up the interstate.  No vacancy.  At this point, any thoughts of sex went out the window because with no vacancies at any of the hotels, it was back to Fab FIL & NEMIL’s house.  We started heading to their house and My Husband pulled into a hotel that had a mostly empty parking lot.  Alamo Country Inn & Suites.  It was nothing fancy and neither one of us are hotel snobs.  The mandatory things we look for in a hotel are as follows:  1)  Clean sheets 2) A good shower 3) An air conditioner that blows really cold air.  This place had all three.

We walked into our room and I set my stuff down on the chair.  The first thing I noticed was that it was dated.  It was clean, but dated.  The carpet was floral print, the area rug was a different floral print, the wall paper border was a third floral print…you get the idea.  It’s not The Venetian in Vegas, but it was better than some places I’ve stayed.  After assessing the decor, I walked outside.  A few minutes later My Husband comes flying out the door.  “You have GOT to come look at this”.  I walked to the threshold and I found the headboard detached from the wall.  I asked what happened and he said “NOTHING!  I sat on the bed to take my boots off and the fucker came off the wall”.  He called the main office and told them what had happened.  The hotel guy said the he was sorry.  He offered to move us to another room and followed the offer up with “but I’m not sure the others will be any better”.  Nice.

We stayed in that room because it was just going to be too much of a hassle, plus, Jessica and Dearest were on their way over to hang out.  I had already texted her the room number.  I couldn’t wait for them to show up to see the disaster that was the headboard.  The wood slats that it was mounted to that were also mounted to the wall were broken.  The headboard was sort of just leaning on the frame of the bed. The wall looked mangled.

They got there and we had about a good 10 minute laugh about the whole thing.  Then, dearest got up to go to the bathroom.  We heard him flush and scream “WHHHHHHOAAAAA”.  When he came out, the three of us were just laughing because really, what could deserve that sort of reaction in the bathroom?  Well, he explained to us that the flusher handle had a mind of its own.  When you press it, it flies back up towards you quickly and if you’re not expecting it, it sort of freaks you out. 

Jess and I weren’t buying it so we had to test it out on our own.  She reached for the handle, pushed and nothing really happened other than the normal flushing.  We gave Dearest a hard time for a second or two longer.  Then, a while later My Husband had to go.  In True My Husband Fashion, he didn’t shut the door.  When he flushed, he shouted “Ohmygawwwd!”  The flusher got him.  Again, Jessica and I had to figure out the mystery of the toilet.  We go in there again.  Her hand on the flusher, she gives it a push and KA-CHINK!!!  It popped back up, loud and fierce!  Finally, her and I were able to witness what was giving the guys such a hard time. 

A few hours later, Jessica and Dearest left.  My Husband and I crawled into bed to catch a few hours of sleep.  Saturday was going to be a long one for both of us…

Fine Print:
I took pictures of the headboard, but guess who forgot her camera at home today?  Sue me!  It’s Monday!

Not discussed:
The awesome TV in our room, the hole in the wall that was coincidentally the same shape as the butt of a gun, the broken recliner that Dearest sat in and the broken desk chair that My Husband sat in.  Seriously, y’all, this room wasn’t that bad!